Why Do I Feel Like a Burden?

Maybe you’ve had that thought before : “I don’t want to be a bother,” or “They’d be better off without me saying anything.” If you’ve ever felt like you’re too much, or that your needs are a weight for others, I want to gently remind you: you are not alone.

Feeling like a burden often shows up quietly, especially when you’re going through something difficult. It’s a painful feeling, one that can sit heavily on your chest. And yet, it makes sense, especially if life has taught you that asking for support might lead to rejection, disapproval, or shame.

Let’s take a kind look at where this feeling comes from and what you can do when it arises.

Why You Might Be Feeling Like a Burden to Others

The belief that we are a burden rarely comes from nowhere. It’s often shaped over time, sometimes so gradually that we barely notice.

You might have:

• Grown up being praised for being “so easy,” “so strong,” or “never making a fuss”

• Been made to feel that your emotions were inconvenient or “too much”

• Learned to take up as little space as possible in relationships

• Lived through trauma, abandonment, or moments where you truly were let down

• Developed anxiety or low self-esteem that makes it hard to believe you are wanted or welcome

  
  

All of this can quietly shape a deep-rooted fear: If I show how I really feel, I’ll push people away.

But that fear is not the truth of who you are. It’s a protective voice, one that may have kept you safe in the past but is now holding you back from being fully seen and supported.

How It Can Show Up in Everyday Life

You might notice this feeling in small moments:

• You apologise often, even when you’ve done nothing wrong

• You hesitate to share something hard, worrying it’s “too much”

• You hold back tears or pain, even with those close to you

• You tell yourself to just get on with it

• You downplay your own needs and tell others you’re “fine” when you’re not

  
  

If any of this sounds familiar, please know that these are not signs of failure. They are signs of someone who has learned to survive by being careful, by shrinking themselves, by staying quiet. But you deserve more than just surviving.

What If You’re Not a Burden at All?

Here is something I would love you to hear:

Needing care does not make you a burden. It makes you human.

We all have times when we need support, reassurance, or simply someone to sit beside us in the messiness of life. The idea that we have to go it alone is a myth, and a painful one at that.

People who care about you want to be there. They may not always get it right, but your needs aren't too much. Your emotions are not too loud. You are not a problem to be solved, you are a person to be cared for.

Try This Gently

If this feels a little tender, that’s okay. Here are a few small practices to begin softening this belief:

• When the thought “I’m a burden” arises, try gently asking: Where did I learn this? and Is it really true today?

• Speak to yourself as you would a close friend: “It’s okay to need support. My feelings matter too.”

• Try journaling to the part of you that feels ‘too much’. What does it need to hear?

• If you feel safe enough, share one small truth with someone you trust. Let yourself be held.

  
  

You don’t need to fix everything on your own. And you don’t need to keep carrying the weight of silence.

A Closing Reflection

You are not a burden. You are a person who has learned to cope in the best way you could and now, it might be time to let in a little more gentleness. A little more truth. You deserve that.

With warmth,

Michele at Lavender Lane Counselling

www.lavenderlanecounselling.com